Tuesday, 25 February 2014

The New Year Project: Feel Good Movies

Share your feel good movies
Day 15 of Toni's New Year Project

My absolute favourite movies are the funny lovey kind that just breaks your heart and makes you laugh and cry at the same time. And nothing says feel good quite like those with happy endings. I love animation, disney fairytales, chick flicks and good humoured comedies.

So, here's my list of awesome feel good movies:

A Walk to remember
Two Weeks Notice
Harry Potter series
Finding Nemo
The Lion King
The Blind Side
The Proposal
While You were Sleeping
The Ugly Truth
The Vow
The Notebook
Pirates of the Caribbean
Superhero Movies
She's The Man
Easy A
Crazy Stupid Love

.... To name but a few! 

The New Year Project: Feel good songs

Share your feel good songs
Day 15 of Toni's New Year Project

This is somewhat of a difficult task, as it often depends on the mood I’m in and anything can really speak out to me. And, there are just way too many to think of!

Music I love:

The following is a playlist of the ultimate belt-your-heart-out songs. I love these songs. Some I have discovered via random searches, radio, or suggested by a friend. Always good for a broken heart, or just when you’re feeling blue.


 - Elastic Heart
 - My love
 - Breathe Me

Rae Morris
- Grow*

- Under
- Skinny Strong
- What this is about

Sara Bareilles
- Gravity

- Red Eye

Florence + The Machines

Christina Perri 
- Jar of Hearts*
- A thousand years
- Sad Song
- Arms

- People help the people *
- Fire and Rain
- Skinny love (Cover)
- Comforting sounds
- Shelter

Mumford and Sons
- Awake my soul
- After the storm
- Thistle and Weeds
- Little Lion Man

Macklemore ft Mary lambert
- Same Love

Labrinth ft Emeli Sande
- Beneath your Beautiful


Imagine Dragons

Ed Sheeran
- Give me love*
- Kiss me


Please feel free to comment below
Check out The New Year Project page above for the complete list

Monday, 24 February 2014

The New Year Project: This time next year

By this time next year, what do you want to look back on and be proud of?
Day 14 of Toni's New Year Project

When thinking about your vision for the future, it is important to be able to visualise it in your mind. Send out your hopes and dreams into the universe. Imagine it in actuality. Not just as a wish, but as though it has already come to be. I have learnt that words have such a powerful effect, especially those that we speak over our own lives. These past few years I have been far too negative; and by doing this, I took away any and all chance of achieving my goals. I have been working on changing this, and have adopted a more positive look on things. it is not always easy, but it is indeed necessary that I not give up.

So, to answer today’s question: -

*        2014 is the year of growth.
*        I will be proud of myself for having the courage to chase my dreams and for changing the direction of my future.
*        I’ll be more confident with who I am, and be continuously growing and becoming more and more self-aware.
*        My family and I will be healthy and relatively stress free, living a balanced lifestyle that includes exercise.
*        I will have taken a few yoga classes and improved my skills.  
*        I will be proud that I have my driver’s licence and hopefully have a car.
*        I will have gone on an adventure of some sort, be it just exploring a few new parts of this city. 

Please feel free to comment below.
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.

Friday, 21 February 2014

The New Year Project: Making others happy

Share your fool-proof ways to make others happy.
Day 13 of Toni's New Year Project

I believe that it is the little things, that make people feel truly loved, that matter the most. Being loved is one of the greatest feelings, almost as much as loving someone else. This can be in any number of ways, such as, spending time with them,  or simply by letting them know that you are thinking about them and that you care.  


Please feel free to comment below.
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

The New Year Project: Let yourself simply be

When was the last time you stopped, soaked in your surroundings and let yourself simply be?
Day 12 of Toni's New Year Project

The other night it occurred to me that it had been quite a while since the last time I gazed up and took note of the stars shining brightly up above. It was a warm summer’s night with a cool gentle breeze. So, I decided to lie on the ground for a little while. All this time I had been missing this fantastic view; too wrapped up in my own mind. It was lovely to just lie there and breathe in the fresh air that was tainted with the smell of the ocean.

When everything is doubtful and weary around me,
I wish to think back to this moment;
The true magnificence of the night’s sky above me.

I wish that I could capture this beauty.
I’d keep it with me always.
The stars take my breath away.
The longer I stare, the clearer and more visible they become.

The red moon stands low above the sea, slowly rising.
Such beauty is inexpressible.

In this moment,
Time stands still and my troubles fade away.
This vast universe makes it all disappear.


Please feel free to comment below. 
Check out the complete list under The New Year Project page above.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

"There is always a way.."

♥ Spirituality/Meditation Blog ♥   http://yogabuckyeah.tumblr.com/

The New Year Project: Taking care of yourself

What are the things you do to take care of yourself?
Day 11 of Toni's New Year Project

To take care of my mind: I take some time out. I have found that a lovely foamy bubble bath works wonders. It eases the tension and calms the mind. There is just something about water that I find very soothing. I also like gently floating in a swimming pool, staring up at the sky. I love that I can hear the beating of my heart.

Writing in my journal or blog is a great way to organise all the thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind. It also helps me to face what I am feeling instead of trying to avoid it. 

To take care of my body: I make sure that I get enough sleep. I try to do some yoga as often as possible (also good for the mind). Good, healthy nutrition is also really important. 

To take care of my spirit: I spend some quiet time in prayer and meditation. I still need to find a church here at home. I used to love being involved in a cell group with a bunch of girls seeking God's own heart. I miss this. 

How do you take care of yourself? 

Please feel free to leave a comment below
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

The New Year Project: More on Happiness

How can you put more happiness into your life?
Day 10 of Toni's New Year Project

I have started to realise that happiness is fleeting. There are so many little things that make me happy, but for some reason, I just can’t get it to stick.  

Surely, there has to be something out there that will make me excited to get up each day and tackle the world. Or is this just a young girl’s deluded perception of a greater, brighter world?

The truth is, I don’t know how to answer today’s question. There are a million things that I could do to be happy right now, but I can’t help feeling that these things are not enough. There’s still something getting in the way. I've also noticed that my aspirations (To change the world) are slowly starting to diminish. And I don’t feel free.  I thought hoped that I would be happier now that I'm no longer at medical school. But instead, I still feel trapped within my own limitations.

Today, I was feeling a little drained and almost as if something was weighing me down. I started to get a little restless. I wanted to do something to help around the house but I just couldn't muster up enough energy.

But, instead of just laying around, I decided to man up and do something that has been plaguing my mind for a few days now: - Make a few calls regarding my future prospects. 

First, I called an Au Pair agent. I had initially emailed her to get more info about that whole business and she had said that I can make an appointment to discuss it. So this is what I did! I plan to go see her tomorrow and hear what it all entails.

Then, I called the university to find out exactly what options I have if I decided that I wanted to go back to medical school. Basically, they told me that I could still go back next year. All I need is to do a 6 month course (related to medicine or human sciences or something...) through a university like UNISA and then reapply in November. Reacceptance is not guaranteed but it will help if I can show that I have made some changes to improve or have dealt with the problems I have been facing the past couple years. 

This would be great news, but I really don’t know if I actually want to go back. My mind is a minefield. It was difficult to make that last phone call. I felt the emotion build up, but as soon as it was over, I felt some of the tension lift.  

All hope is not lost after all. So, my revelation while writing this, is that I need to keep being positive and trusting that things will fall in to place when the time is right. I will find what my purpose is, and the only way to get there is by taking one day at a time


Please feel free to comment below
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.

Monday, 17 February 2014

The New Year Project: Life's little treasures

Write in a stream of consciousness about the things that make you happy. Only write about things/sensations/experiences.
 Day 9 of Toni's New Year Project

Laughing with my friends. A warm foamy bubble bath after a long day. Sitting in the sun. Talking about boys with my closest girls. Great big bear hugs. Playing with little kids. Blowing bubbles. Beautiful flowers. Cheesecake. Having deep meaningful conversations late into the night. Watching the waves crashing against the shore. Bright blue skies. Watching the sunset bright orange colours. The glow of candles. Watching a good movie – one that makes me laugh and cry. Reading a beautiful novel. Writing in my journal. Hugging my little pillow tight before I fall asleep. A gentle breeze. Ice cream. Laying outside under the moon and stars. The smell of the sea. Phone calls. Blogging. Cuddling. Learning new interesting and arbitrary things. Nature in all its forms. Getting all dressed up for a night out. Putting on makeup. Dancing the night away. Going on an adventure. Having a picnic. Genuine compliments from strangers and friends. Heart racing moments. Being in love. Hearing my favourite songs on the radio. Discovering new tunes. Singing at the top of my lungs. Making other people happy. Finding a new crush. Spending time shopping with my mother. Bonding moments with my sisters. Being missed. Trying to be all crafty. Making pretty things. Giving gifts to friends and seeing their excitement when opening them up. Goodnight messages. Cold showers on a hot day. Looking back at old photos. Taking photos. Making someone feel special. Laughing 'til my tummy hurts. 


What makes you feel happy?

Please feel free to comment below. 
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list. 

"It's never too late.."

Friday, 14 February 2014

In the quiet moments

Because in the quiet moments, 
when I’m not trying to figure it all out,
my heart still whispers his name.
and I feel those butterflies, that I've been trying so desperately
to chase away, appear once again.

He keeps finding his way back in to my heart.
I’ve let him get under my skin,
He knows my most secret thoughts –
the intimate workings of my mind.

Just when I was starting to accept that which we are not, 
those words slipped out: - 
Once upon a time, 
He was in love with me.

Oh fate, thou art a cruel, heartless bitch sometimes…

All those sleepless nights, he was right there
A short walk down the road.
Trapped within his own confines.
Me, too blind to see him as he stood right before me
All guards up. Too afraid. Too vulnerable.
His heart never giving mine a chance to realise that it might love him too.
Instead, he kept his love a secret. 
Hidden from me.

Running circles around one another,
Fooling ourselves
Fooling each other.

Phone calls that leave you smiling

The other night I spoke to F on the phone for over two hours. It’s almost ridiculous how happy it made me. I couldn’t stop smiling. I loved hearing his voice and hearing him laugh. He’s so far out of reach and I miss him so much. I miss the conversations we used to have in my room over coffee. I miss his great big bear hugs whenever we ran into each other around campus.  

The last time I mentioned him in a post, I spoke about trying to set some boundaries in our relationship and that I needed some space. So, I told him exactly how I felt, and that it was getting too much for me to keep our relationship where it was and still try to let go of the feelings I had for him. But he just wouldn’t hear any of it. He wouldn’t let me pull away.

At first I was just so annoyed. He was refusing to accept what I thought would be best for me. But now I’m actually glad that he didn’t listen. As much as I hate to admit this, I needed him. He was one of the few people that truly understood what I was going through. 

He didn’t let me push him away.  

Once I was back home, I was starting to find it easier to not focus on my feelings for him. In a way, I thought that without all the other problems in my life, I would now be ready to let go of him; let go of that part of our relationship. We are friends above everything else, and he means a lot to me.

So our conversations continued. I tried to keep things strictly friendly. It was working. Mostly. And I was starting to accept that this could be enough. 

Or at least, this is what I have been telling myself. But sometimes, I'm just not so sure. 

Thursday, 13 February 2014

The perfect day...

"The sky was clear, except for a few hauntingly beautiful silver clouds piercing the massive blue canvas..."
- *F

The New Year Project: 5 Things I love about Myself

Today, we're supposed to write about 5 things that we love about ourselves. I would like to say that this was easy to come up with, but in all honesty, it took a while to figure out. You see, I find that I hardly ever think of myself in this way. It's pretty much the same story as when I had to come up with a list of my strengths

But this all just makes me appreciate this challenge a little more. I'm reminding myself every day of who I am, and what I believe in. 

I want to be confident about all my strengths and appreciate every aspect of who I am. Modesty can be over-rated if it's all that you believe you are.

do you agree? 

5 Things I Love About Myself 
Day 8 of Toni's New Year Project

1.       I am a loving and caring person.  I have a big heart, and even though it gets hurt sometimes, I can never imagine myself holding back. 

2.      I have a good sense of humour. I love that my friends and I can joke around randomly. I love that I can make people laugh, even if it’s only in the slightest way.

3.      I am a good listener and I have a really comfortable shoulder for you to cry on, if ever you need to. Also, you can always depend on me.

4.      I can be fun and outgoing, but have my quiet moments too. I love that I can find a balance between the two.

5.      I find beauty in all things - nature, art, music, words, culture, people J


Please feel free to comment below.
Check out The New Year Project page above for the complete list.

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

The New Year Project: Finding inner peace

How do you find your inner peace? 
Day 7 of Toni's New Year Project

"It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hardwork. 
It means to be in the midst of those things and still 
be calm in your heart. " - unknown

I love mediation, although I must admit that I don’t do it nearly enough. When things used to get too hectic back on campus, I used to go for a walk on the fields. There was a beautiful backdrop of mountains in the far distance. 

faaaaar away in the distance :)
I’d lie on the grass and look up at the sky. I’d look for the birds flying together in their formations. It always fascinates me. So beautifully majestic, flying together in unison and instinctively knowing in which direction to go.

Then I’d close my eyes and drown out my thoughts. Letting all my worries and stress melt away; focusing only on the gentle breeze against my skin and the sound of the world around me. I transport myself to a world far away. Anywhere my imagination dared to take me.

My favourite destination is the beach on a perfect day. I love watching the waves crashing in front of me. I can almost imagine it's sound and smell the salty sea. A few minutes like this could feel like a life time of freedom.


Slowly in. Slowly out.
Inhale the fresh clean air deep in to your lungs.
Feel it reviving every cell within your being.
Come alive.

Exhale all the negative thoughts floating aimlessly in your mind.
They are unwelcome here -
Banish them.
Free your spirit.
Lose yourself in the quietness that surrounds you. 


Please feel free to comment below.
Check out The New year Project page above for the complete list.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

"Yes, the past can hurt.."

The New Year Project: Change

How do you feel about change? How do you cope/adjust to change?
Day 6 of Toni's New Year Project

As much as it hurts, I know that change is necessary. I can’t imagine a world in which everything is the same. There would be no improvements. And along with the good, we must accept that there will also be things that won’t be as pleasant to go through.

We might want to hold on to something for just a little longer. We get comfortable with the way things are. We feel safe.

Change is terrifying because it represents the beginning of a period of uncertainty. We can never be sure of how things will turn out. We can only hope for the best.  

The best way that I have learnt to deal with change is to accept that it cannot be avoided; and that it can’t always be controlled. Sometimes we just have to try to make the best of the situation. Right now, I am taking it one day at a time.

This doesn’t mean that it is a walk in the park; it just means that I understand that my emotions are going to be up and down for a little while. One minute I am feeling good, happy and positive, and the next I start feeling the strain of this unfamiliar path my life is now treading through.

It is never easy. It takes time. And it requires patience. We must have faith and believe that we are strong enough to handle all that change brings. I keep my mind focused on the fact that things had to change. And in my heart I believe that it will be better. 

Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Check out the page, The New Year Project, for the complete list.

Monday, 10 February 2014

"Happiness is a state of mind"

The New Year Project: Life without failure?

What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
Day 5 of Toni's New Year Project

Honestly? The first thing that came to mind was… Medicine. I would become a doctor. But saying that makes me a little sad. Do I really still feel that way?

Yes, yes I do.

I would study, and do really well and become a super awesome doctor that would save the world, one patient at a time. I would open up a practice medical centre that would focus on wellness medicine incorporating the various forms of alternative and homeopathic practices. Each doctor, and allied health practitioner will focus on taking care of patients holistically. We would strive to make sure that patient care is individualised. Our aim would be to empower them to take control of their own healing.

But all that just feels like an empty dream. The one that got away…

I know that I shouldn't be thinking about it like this, but maybe it is too soon to expect myself to be OK. A lot of my time is spent wondering what my next step should be. Wondering whether I should try to get back somehow. But at the same time I'm just so afraid that no matter what I try, it will never happen.

I also know that I should be grateful for this time that I have now to rest and be free, but I can’t help worrying that this is just time wasted. Every day that goes by and I become more and more aware that I have accomplished nothing. I already feel stuck.

And I don’t know what to do to. I don’t know how to heal without regretting the past. Without feeling guilty.

Nonetheless, I will keep being as positive as I can be, taking each day at a time. 

Please feel free to comment below.
Check out the page, The New Year Project, for the complete list.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

The New Year Project: Happiness

"Do more of what makes you happy." 
What are those activities?
Day 4 of Toni's New Year Project 

Soaking up the sun. 
Watching the sunset. 
Spending time with friends and family. 
Hanging out and talking about everything and nothing at all. 
Having cocktails. 
Deep meaningful conversations.   
All forms of dancing. 
Watching the waves crash along the shore. 
Taking care of little babies and playing with children. 
Making people smile and laugh. 
Listening to music. 
Appreciating the arts. 
Taking photos.  
Watching the clouds pass swiftly along a clear blue sky. 
Going for walks by myself and taking in everything around me. 
Listening to spoken word poetry. 
Getting all dressed up for a night out. 
Cooking and baking.
Playing cards and board games. 

I plan to consciously celebrate the things that make me happy every day.

Please feel free to comment below. 
Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.