Update! Spilling it all out

I have these periods of a sort of writer’s block, where I just don't feel like putting any of my thoughts down on paper, or sending them out into the World Wide Web. From time to time, I’ll tell myself that I should probably write something, anything, but then after a few seconds I’d just be like “Meh, I really don't want to” and that would be that. But then a couple days or so later, I’ll just sit down and slowly ease the words out, and soon it would be like I had never stopped. 

The most sense that I can make out of it all, is that sometimes I feel as if my thoughts will be too much to deal with, so they are better left hidden in the maze of my mind. I know this isn't true, however, because I always feel better spilling it all out. But I guess my mind isn't the most rational, even at the best of times.

Any one that has read this blog consistently (shout out if that’s you! J) would know that my writing is all over the place. Like a never ending, constantly moving, roller coaster ride. My emotions go up and down without the slightest warning.

So lately I've been struggling to decide what I want to do with the rest of this year, and next year, and for the rest of my life. I've been searching for my purpose. Something that was once so clear to me is now the biggest mystery.

I've been trying to figure out what will make me happy, but all I have discovered so far is that happiness is elusive and it is starting to feel like an illusion. And yet, I am determined not to give up on it. I'm still trying to allow my mind to open up to the possibilities. 

But I am scared too. I keep falling into the same trap, thinking that something is impossible without giving it a fair shot. 

So far, two options have elicited some interest in me. But I am so apprehensive about both. In a perfect world, I’d be able to do both of these things simply and easily and everything will be great. But instead of seeing the world as black and white, I tend to see too many shades of grey. And in these grey areas are an endless number of things that could go wrong. 

My mentor has been encouraging me to explore all options fully, and not simply let them go because of my preconceived misconceptions. So, this is what I have been doing. It has been a slow process. I will post more about my options soon.  J

Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy

I'm only now starting to learn the true meaning of these three words and the impact that they may have on my life. though seemingly the same, these words carry very great and different meanings. my mentor explained it to me in the form of a simple story.

a man is drowning in the river. apathy comes by, notices him and decides that it is not worth his time trying to save him. so he continues on his way.

next sympathy comes by. he is so overcome by emotion and really wants to save the man drowning in the river that he rushes in to the water without a second thought. as soon as he reaches the man he finds that he too gets caught in the riptide and cannot save either of them. so now he too is drowning.

then empathy comes along and sees both men drowning in the river. he also desperately wants to help them both, but does not rush in immediately. he is aware that he may also get caught out there. so first he calls someone for help and searches around for a life jacket and some rope to pull them in with. he puts on the life jacket and throws out the life raft for them to grab hold of until someones comes to help him pull them in. in no time at all help arrives and empathy is able to safely rescue them without further endangering himself or anybody else.