Wednesday, 17 December 2014
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
Thursday, 27 November 2014
I'm not the type of person you fall in love with at first sight. But I've been told that there is a lightness about me that draws people in. I want to believe this. Maybe I once did. But that was a long time ago. These days I feel as though I am a quite the opposite: a darkness from which everyone runs.
Monday, 24 November 2014
Saturday, 22 November 2014
Thursday, 20 November 2014
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
Friday, 14 November 2014
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
Saturday, 4 October 2014
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Wednesday, 10 September 2014
Friday, 5 September 2014
for the love that I never quite had,
but always silently hoped for;
And for friendship that I held on to so tightly.
It seemed like the only certainty
when everything was falling down around me.
The past few nights
I've been trying to figure out what changed.
All the while missing you,
and trying not to show it.
It just meant so much that you understood.
You cared enough to seek for more
than just the surface of my thoughts.
I knew you could never save me.
I thought you trusted me,
and simply be honest with me.
whatever shape or form;
and promised to never run and hide.
But you can’t fight with someone that walks away.
I'll fight every urge to message you,
Only the future can tell whether our paths will cross once more.
I’m letting us go.
I wrote this a few months ago, but wasn't ready to share it yet. But it feels just as relevant now as it did back then. The only difference is that I didn't quite let go. I was constantly going back and forth on my word. I kept falling in love with him, when I should have known better. Walking away hurts. But with each step I grow stronger.
Relationships are certainly not for the faint-hearted.
Sunday, 31 August 2014
A relationship is a two player game. If you decide to give up, there is nothing I can do. The decision is yours.
Monday, 18 August 2014
And really, just stop saying "should" to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can't change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn't productive. Focus on moving forward."
Thursday, 14 August 2014
This section on the middle page shows all the relationships I hope to have. I want to have a family of my own. I want to have that fairy tail wedding with the white dress. I want to marry a good and honest man that will love me unconditionally. I want to be a mother, spending lots of time with my family.
On the bottom of this page I included pictures of my past. Happy memories with friends and things that make me smile when I think back on those times. I also have a picture of the campus that had been my home for so many years. It left me feeling nostalgic, but also reminded me that my time at medical school was not all bad.
The last page included my aspirations, hopes and dreams. As you can see, this was quite a mouthful. But I am glad that I had the chance to share this with the group.
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Saturday, 9 August 2014
Friday, 8 August 2014
But it is far more important to surround yourself with people that you can trust, and that you feel comfortable opening up to; someone that can be there for you when times are tough.
Friendships are not always going to be a walk in the park, but they do require effort from all parties involved. Only fight for someone who is willing to fight for you too. I need to realise that I can't keep holding on to relationships that only hurt me more and more every day.
Thursday, 7 August 2014
Friday, 1 August 2014
The topic of tonight is time, once again, and how quickly it is running out. Also, I’ve realised that I have no clue who I really am behind this happy mask I’ve been wearing for most of my life.
How would people see me if I wasn’t pretending to be OK? What would they think of me if they knew I was falling apart? How do you react to that? I must admit that I don't know how to respond to this either because my close friends don’t talk to me about their personal issues/ feelings. Boys are an easy issue to discuss and complain about, but it's the true feelings that are harder to put in to words.
I'm supposed to be figuring everything out during this year off, but I don't even know where to start looking for the right answers. I feel as though I have been searching in all the wrong places, and coming up short at every turn.
This is making me feel a little panicked, as though I need to start making those decisions now. It's already August! Applications close in September and I just can't see how to get from here to there in one piece. It's really difficult to be patient.
I'm just so tired. Thursday can't come soon enough.
Thursday, 31 July 2014
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Sunday, 20 July 2014
Friday, 18 July 2014
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
I know this pain will not last.
Please remind me, of the beauty of the sunrise, that comes with each new day.
Friday, 11 July 2014
Monday, 30 June 2014
Friday, 27 June 2014
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Tuesday, 24 June 2014
I can't take back the mistakes I've made.
I can't pretend that none of this has happened.
I can't rewrite my history and erase all the struggles I've been through.
I can't wash away the tears I've cried or minimise the pain I've felt.
I can't look back at the past and make it all magically disappear,
no matter how much I really want to.