My mother has been booked off from work for a month by a psychologist that she has seen about her work problems. Nothing has been resolved since she went back in August. Instead, it has just been getting worse. The psychologist also referred her to see a psychiatrist and she is now taking antidepressants.
This is all difficult to deal with. She pretends that she is OK; that she is just doing this because of the work stuff, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. But I don’t think that she is ready to face that just yet.
I know that this may seem a little delayed, but it’s almost as if I only just recently realised that my mother is struggling to keep everything together. To me, she has always been this really strong woman that has the answers to everything. And it breaks my heart to see her weaknesses.
I can’t help wishing that she would take control of her life and make decisions for herself and not worry about everyone else. But I guess that it is not as simple as that. We (my sisters and I) have always been her number one priority.
Since I have been home, I have distanced myself from her. Our relationship isn't the same as it was when I only saw her a couple weeks at a time. But then again, I am not the same person I was when I left home. And it’s just too difficult to share all of my issues with her. I don’t want her to try and fix me. I need to figure this out on my own.
I am glad that she has taken these first steps. It takes courage to face your problems head on. And I strongly believe that my mother will get through it all.
We all will, one way or another.