Monday, 31 March 2014

Stuck in the rain

There are so many things in my heart that I wish to pour out here, but I just don’t know where to start. There is clearly no right answer to the questions that have been plaguing my mind. But I am tired of showing my weakness. I am afraid of rejection. My insecurities still plague me

And I guess it doesn't help when someone you care so much about starts emitting radio silence.

But this isn't about that.

I’m out of place, and I don’t know where it is that I belong. I don’t know which way to turn next, and I don’t know how to make decisions that I feel comfortable with. My past failures still linger over me, and as much as I try to let go, I just can’t shake this feeling.

I am trying to be patient with myself, but that is a struggle of its own. 

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Advice from unexpected places

Libra horoscope for Mar 25 2014

Do you want to do your best in everything? Do you want to be recognized as someone who is talented and intelligent? Of course you do, Libra. But right now you may be so preoccupied with a past error or a bad choice that you are down on yourself. You may not even realize it, but when you think negative thoughts or say negative things to yourself you drag yourself down and you can't be your best - even when things are going well. You are past a problem and onto a new and exciting path. Let go of the past, and move forward with a better attitude. Choose happiness and you'll see an immediate change in your outlook.

Daily Horoscope

Monday, 17 March 2014

Blog link-ups

Missional Women


What Joy Is Mine

Skype Cell Group: Week 1: God will always reach out to you, wherever you may be

One of my best friends and her mother have started a cell group via Skype! She has been looking for a new cell group for a few weeks now, and asked me if I would like to be a part of it. I haven't found a church here at home yet, so this couldn't have been more welcome. It is a chance to have fellowship with a few women that are earnestly seeking God's heart. I need this.It is too easy to get lost in this world on our own and forget the promises God has made in our hearts. We need to be reminded of His goodness and love, especially during the storms in our lives.  

So, this group chat is made up of my friend - in Cape Town on campus, her sister - at their home in Somerset west; her mother - all the way in Wales; her friend - over in Newlands, UK; and me - here at home. 

It is truly amazing that no matter where you are in the world, the word of God can reach you. He will send you the right people to help you through whatever situation you may face, to support you and help you grow in His love. 

I am in awe. 

Here are little bits and pieces, words of wisdom and encouragement from the session. I will try to do this every week. I hope you find something that touches your heart too.

No more excuses to worship God or to make time to spend in His word. He will meet us wherever we are. He sees us always. There is no place to hide away. We can be lost in the world, but He can find us, out on the greatest ocean, or in the vast dessert.

The Lord tells us that He will be with us always because we are His children and He loves us more than we can ever know. So no more doubt, and no more fear.

 “We don’t arrive in the Lord, we grow in Him.”

Our past does not determine our future. And just because something didn’t change yesterday, doesn’t mean that it can’t change today or tomorrow. You need to feed the fire of the spirit that is burning within your heart in order for it to keep burning. And the only way to feed it is to turn to the word of the Lord.

 Do not lose faith when you are facing a trial. Always remember that He is preparing us for what is still to come. This is only a phase in your life, and this is the time that God will be strengthening you. So hold fast to His word, and believe that He is fighting this battle for you.
Let the holy spirit guide the decisions that you make in your life. And every morning when you wake up, put on the coat of peace, so that you may always know when you are making the wrong decision. You will know by the uneasy feeling in your heart. You will hear His guidance. Believe. Trust in Him always.

Sometimes our own feelings of guilt will bring us down, but if we repent and give it up to God, then we will be free of it. He died to pay the ultimate price for our lives, that we may have an everlasting life with our Heavenly Father.

bibledevotionals:  Micah 7:18-19

Put your focus on Jesus and you will find your way.


“He steadied me as I walked along.”

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Almost Is Never Enough

Almost is never enough
Ariana Grande with Nathan Skyes

I'd like to say we gave it a try 

I'd like to blame it all on life 
Maybe we just weren't right..
But that's a lie, that's a lie 

And we can deny it as much as we want 
But in time our feelings will show 

'Cause sooner or later 
We'll wonder why we gave up 
The truth is everyone knows 

Almost, almost is never enough 
So close to being in love 
If I would have known that you wanted me 
The way I wanted you 
Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart 
But right here in each others arms 

And we almost, we almost knew what love was 
But almost is never enough 

If I could change the world overnight 
There'd be no such thing as goodbye 
You'll be standing right where you were 
And we'd get the chance we deserve 

Try to deny it as much as you want 
But in time our feelings will show 

'Cause sooner or later 
We'll wonder why we gave up 
The truth is everyone knows 

Sunday, 9 March 2014

When things aren't right in your heart

Words to my inner child

He truly delivers.
All things will be received in His perfect timing.
There is nothing more to worry about.

When things aren’t right in your heart, He sees it. He will make the difficult decisions that you are too afraid to make. Even if this means that you will not understand in that exact moment. But then, one day, when you are ready, He will show you. He will show you why, and He will reassure you. There is always a plan, Little girl.

Doubt can be a dangerous feeling. Sometimes it makes us rethink everything; everything that we were once so sure of. And it can be caused by so many different things. Irrational things.

Why do we doubt things we know to be true? Maybe it is because we find validation in other things; worldly things. But Little Girl, find your validation in Him. The one who gave His life to set you free, to take away all your troubles and woes. Can you not see how much He loves you? Find your identity in Him. Because people, they will come and go; and things, they can be destroyed. But He will forever be the Almighty Father that holds you in the palm of His hand.

In this life you may stumble and fall, but He will catch you. Oh Little Girl, see how much He cares for you. He is constantly fighting to win over your heart.

Give it to Him.
Give it to Him completely.

You know the saying, you know it well: “Let every man who seeks your heart, find it wrapped up in Jesus’ love. Let him see to whom it truly belongs. Let him know right from the start that the only way to you is through the One and only King.

Little Girl, do not be afraid any more. Even though it may be dark all around you, there is a light within your soul. And it shines so bright that no other light is needed for you to see ahead. Let this light be a fire burning for Jesus. A fire burning for Him will surely last for eternity. Whereas a flame burning for the world can be distinguished with the slightest breeze.

I know that it is not easy. But you have always known that it wouldn’t be. You were not destined to take the easy path. No, Little Girl, you know that you are destined for greatness. Lately, you have been so easily deceived into believing otherwise.

But you still know that deep down.

You know because there is passion in your heart. You know because He has sent so many people into your life to keep reminding you. You know, because even in the darkest hour, there was still hope. Hope that kept you holding on. Hope that is growing stronger and stronger every day.

So don’t lose faith. His love is everlasting.
You are blessed, and loved dearly.

Forever and always

Saturday, 8 March 2014

The wanderings of my mind

I believe that there is a child-like version of our selves’ that lives within each of our hearts. Some grow up sooner than others. Some reflect the children that we once were, or they reflect the child that we never got to be. It is different for everyone.

For me, there is this little girl that is hurt, afraid and angry. She longs to grow up, to have the life that she has always dreamt of. Yes, she is a dreamer too. I don’t know why she is angry, or how she has been hurt. I am still trying to understand her. It sounds a little weird writing all this, but I believe it to be true. I was made aware of her during a meeting with my mentor. She encouraged me to draw her. And I was surprised at the image I came up with. It wasn’t a work of art (believe me!) but the emotions came across strongly. My little girl had wild curly hair, and tears streaming down her face with clenched fists.

This secret, silent persona, affects various aspects of our lives. It could be the reason that we keep getting in our own way, or self-sabotage.  This persona knows something that we are yet to realise, or makes us aware of our fears. I find this fascinating. So, the best way to get past this is to figure out why your persona is the way that she/he is. And to deal with whatever problems come up. Sometimes, all it takes is reassurance, but sometimes there is a certain situation from your past that you may have to start dealing with.

Maybe true happiness can only be felt when all of these personas are at ease? This makes very little sense, and I don’t have all the answers, but it is something worth looking into. So I have started writing letters to that Little Girl that exists within me.  To remind myself to believe in the wisdom I have received, in various forms, which have just been lost in translation. 

Friday, 7 March 2014

Time is still the enemy

I’m tired of being all up in my head. I just don’t want to think so much. I know that this is the process I need to go through to figure stuff out, but the more I look into future career options, the more overwhelmed I get.

 I'm terrified about being rejected again. I'm terrified about making the wrong decisions. I'm terrified of staying in the exact same place that I am right now. But I’m also afraid of settling for something that will leave me feeling miserable for the rest of my life. But saying that makes me feel a little dramatic. Sometimes I feel as if trying to be happy, or trying to find a place that I will be happy is just like I’m running on a great big race track that just goes round and round in a circle – I’m never truly going forward.

I know that sometimes we just have to take risks and see what happens. I have nothing to lose but time, right?

But, Time is still the enemy, and I don’t know how to make nice. We don’t even have to be the best of friends, but it certainly would help if we got along with each other. I feel like this Time just keeps walking all over me; and I let it. 

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

The thing about reading...

The thing about reading is that there comes a moment, especially in a particularly riveting book, when you realise that the world you find yourself lost in, is not really yours, and neither is this magical new life.

Eventually the words will run out. And they will leave you alone with only your thoughts. You must return to your current reality. Your hiding place disappears suddenly and you have nowhere left to run.

You’ve just spent hours feeding your soul a different point of view and you’ve lost hours you will never regain.

It is a bitter sweet feeling. I find myself wrapped up in the hopes and dreams of an elusive protagonist with whom I can identify. To whom I can relate. But the beauty is that I now I can walk away with a new experience. It is the one chance that we get to actually be completely caught up in another person’s mind. We share their thoughts, ideas, feelings, insecurities. There is complete trust between the reader and the characters in the book. That for me is the best part about reading. 

I guess that this goes for all forms of written word, whether is be a novel, poetry, lyrics to a song, a journal or blog posts. I am grateful to all the writers out there that have shared their brilliant minds with me, in whatever form. 

Know that your words are truly appreciated.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Whispers from the stars

Mar 1 2014

As a child, you had not yet set limits for yourself. The sky was the limit. You hadn't yet come to the conclusion that you were good at certain things, and not so good at other things. You knew who you were, but you didn't have the same restrictions or limits that you have now. If you really want to make the most of an upcoming opportunity, Libra, you will have to tap your inner child. You will have to get in touch with the childlike spirit that believes anything is possible. Because right now, anything is possible.