Day 5: What do I need more of?

Day 5: What do I need more of?

1) Self love.

I need to value myself more.

Lately I’ve been trapped in this cycle of giving people what they want,

even though I know it hasn’t been good for me. 

I need to love all the parts of myself,

and be gentle with the parts that are struggling.

This also means understanding that there will be both good days and bad days;

things that come easily, and things that may take time.

I’ve learnt that loving myself is a choice

that I must make every single day.

2) Confidence.

In my abilities.

In who I am now and the woman I am becoming.

In my future – that the best is yet to come!

3) Faith.

Increasing and unconditional - for every situation or season. 

Isaiah 40:31

4) New Adventures.

For the first time in a few months I've been home bound - which has been good for me. But now I long for trying new things and making new discoveries.

Please feel free to say hi or leave a comment! :)

Follow the link in BohoBerry image to check out the details of this challenge.

Lifeline Session 1: Out of the darkness

I started attending a Personal Growth Course through Lifeline Community Wellness Centre. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I am honestly very glad that I found the course.

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with my life, and get over some of my painful past experiences. I feel stuck and I just don’t know how to deal with these overwhelming emotions.

Basically, this course is a journey towards greater self-awareness and self-discovery. The main goals are to gain greater self-insight, to learn to accept yourself and your feelings, to communicate more effectively, to expand your ways of relating and responding to others and to know yourself more fully.

Exactly what I need! My reasons for doing the course are:

- To figure out my true identity apart from once being a medical student

- To meet new people that are also facing similar challenges

- To find my purpose

- To make new friends

- To find joy within myself

- To let go of my past and move on with life.

- To help me become a mature and confident young woman

- To help me face my fears head on

- To help me start taking risks.

- To start healing all these scars from my past

We were allocated to smaller groups to discuss the different exercises for each session. One of today's tasks was to draw a picture of ourselves, and where we are in our lives. This is a very revealing exercise because even though one doesn’t have the skills of an artist, the image still comes across quite vividly.

It was quite something to listen to each person describing their pictures and to be able to open up, emotionally, to a group of strangers that I had only just met. I felt comfortable telling them all that had been weighing heavily on my heart the past couple days. Once I had started speaking, the tears just came - but I wasn’t embarrassed in any way. It was freeing to let it all out. They offered encouragement, and shared some of their own personal experience in similar situations. 

It’s time to move out of this darkness that I have been hiding in, and to accept that this is my life; I can’t silently wish it were different if I am not going to get up and do something to change it. I want to make the most of what I have been given, and be grateful for every blessing.

This is not about simply smoothing over the surface, hiding away my issues or making everything appear better. It's not even about trying to put a smile on my face and being be more positive. It's much more than those fancy quotes that I love, that tell you that everything will be OK one day; it is about building my self-confidence and truly believing in myself, with no doubts or second guessing.

It is time to change the things that make me unhappy - even if I just take one small step at a time.

"Embrace the oddities and hold on to the quirks"

When things aren't right in your heart

Words to my inner child

He truly delivers.

All things will be received in His perfect timing.

There is nothing more to worry about.

When things aren’t right in your heart, He sees it. He will make the difficult decisions that you are too afraid to make. Even if this means that you will not understand in that exact moment. But then, one day, when you are ready, He will show you. He will show you why, and He will reassure you. There is always a plan, Little girl.

Doubt can be a dangerous feeling. Sometimes it makes us rethink everything; everything that we were once so sure of. And it can be caused by so many different things. Irrational things.

Why do we doubt things we know to be true? Maybe it is because we find validation in other things; worldly things. But Little Girl, find your validation in Him. The one who gave His life to set you free, to take away all your troubles and woes. Can you not see how much He loves you? Find your identity in Him. Because people, they will come and go; and things, they can be destroyed. But He will forever be the Almighty Father that holds you in the palm of His hand.

In this life you may stumble and fall, but He will catch you. Oh Little Girl, see how much He cares for you. He is constantly fighting to win over your heart.

Give it to Him.

Give it to Him completely.

You know the saying, you know it well: “Let every man who seeks your heart, find it wrapped up in Jesus’ love. Let him see to whom it truly belongs. Let him know right from the start that the only way to you is through the One and only King.

Little Girl, do not be afraid any more. Even though it may be dark all around you, there is a light within your soul. And it shines so bright that no other light is needed for you to see ahead. Let this light be a fire burning for Jesus. A fire burning for Him will surely last for eternity. Whereas a flame burning for the world can be distinguished with the slightest breeze.

I know that it is not easy. But you have always known that it wouldn’t be. You were not destined to take the easy path. No, Little Girl, you know that you are destined for greatness. Lately, you have been so easily deceived into believing otherwise.

But you still know that deep down.

You know because there is passion in your heart. You know because He has sent so many people into your life to keep reminding you. You know, because even in the darkest hour, there was still hope. Hope that kept you holding on. Hope that is growing stronger and stronger every day.

So don’t lose faith. His love is everlasting.

You are blessed, and loved dearly.

Forever and always

The New Year Project: Taking care of yourself

What are the things you do to take care of yourself?

Day 11 of Toni's New Year Project

To take care of my mind: I take some time out. I have found that a lovely foamy bubble bath works wonders. It eases the tension and calms the mind. There is just something about water that I find very soothing. I also like gently floating in a swimming pool, staring up at the sky. I love that I can hear the beating of my heart.

Writing in my journal or blog is a great way to organise all the thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind. It also helps me to face what I am feeling instead of trying to avoid it. 

To take care of my body: I make sure that I get enough sleep. I try to do some yoga as often as possible (also good for the mind). Good, healthy nutrition is also really important. 

To take care of my spirit: I spend some quiet time in prayer and meditation. I still need to find a church here at home. I used to love being involved in a cell group with a bunch of girls seeking God's own heart. I miss this. 

How do you take care of yourself? 

Please feel free to leave a comment below

Check out the page, The New Year Project, above for the complete list.