Thursday, 21 March 2013

If Only....

Last night I met the perfect guy. 
But absolutely nothing happened. 
And I will probably never see him again.

So there really isn’t any story here. Except that he is perfect, and I can’t help wishing that something more had happened. “What if..?” keeps running through my mind.

See, we only spoke briefly before we were interrupted. Later he offered to help me with some random thing I was doing. (Sigh, it’s the small things that get me...) Even though our conversation lasted maybe 3 sec, I discovered that he is a high school economics teacher at this exclusive boys hostel somewhere inland.  He told me that he started studying in 2007, which would make him about 25 years old (if my calculations are correct... Obsessed much???!!) His reason for being on campus, at our little gathering, was because they were on holiday.  He came with a friend.

There was just something about him that was different to the guys that I see every day. Besides the fact that he is GORGEOUS, he’s also the kinda guy that stands on the side lines if he doesn't know too many people. But is confident and open enough to hold a conversation.(no matter how short..)

I was kicking myself, the whole night after I got back to my room, because I didn't take a chance and just talk to him more. I stuck with my friends the whole night. 

I know that nothing more would have come of it, but I kinda hate that I missed the opportunity - all because I was feeling a little awkward and insecure.

This seems to be a thing with me. I hesitate to go out and speak to people because I'm afraid I will be awkward and not have anything to say. It’s not that I am shy. I guess I just need to gain a little more confidence in myself. With regard to a whole spectrum of things, might I add... But first things first right? I need to embrace the curly haired girl that I am, and not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone from time to time, no matter the challenge! No holding back!

But for now I just need to let go of this one encounter and take it as a learning curve... Here's to something better in the future!  J

Be happy

Monday, 18 March 2013

My subconscious mind...

Last night I dreamt that I was a psychiatric doctor and I was in some sort of clinic, but my surroundings were very vague. I remember there being patients around me and nurses in the room. It was time for me to interview one of the patients and I remember thinking that I should get started.  But I also remember knowing that I should wait for the doctor in charge to come first. She was a woman with a short black bob hair cut with a thick fringe sitting at a desk. But instead of waiting for her, I decided to go into a room with the patient and start by myself because I felt relatively safe and didn't think that anything would happen. The patient was a seemingly quiet man maybe in his 30 or 40s. I remember knowing that he was already diagnosed with multiple personality disorder before we started the interview, but I had a sense that he was fine and that it was under control.

We are alone in this consultation room and we sit down and the interview has barely begun when this man suddenly disappears and it is almost as if his body silently splits into 7 different “spirits” that swoop around and all come towards me – like something out of the movies! I remember then falling to the floor and curling up into a foetal position and protecting my head. But they just swarmed above me. And then the doctor in charge came into the room and the figures disappeared and the man was sitting there as if nothing had happened while I was pulled out of the room and scolded for doing the interview alone.  

And that was when I woke up suddenly. And I had to try and figure out if what just happened was a real memory or whether it was just a dream. I did get a fright waking up, but I don’t remember being really scared or terrified. Very bazaar!  

I don’t think that it means anything terrifying, but after giving it some thought, I think the “spirits” simply represent all the feelings and emotions that I am trying to juggle and balance in my life at this point. And by me “going in to see the patient alone” it is as if I am trying to take on all these things by myself, without waiting for help from someone that actually can.

And throw in the fact that we are currently studying psychology in class and you have a truly crazy dream! It fascinates me the intricate ways in which our subconscious mind works to process thins we may be avoiding in real life…

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Life don't pass me by...

There are so many things, big and small, that I desperately want to change about my life. So many bad habits that I want to break and so much more that I want to do and be.

I want to be an intelligent and cultural person that has a great love and understanding for a variety of different things. I want to be well read and knowledgeable. Instead of going from day to day just living the way that have been for these past couple of months. With little to nothing new happening and following the same old routine. Day in and day out I keep settling for less than mediocre. 

I say all these things that I want to try out but I find so many excuses lurking in my mind. Reasons why things can’t be done. Or why I don’t feel up to doing it.

But life has so much to offer. I'm tired of sitting here and just letting life pass me by, and not appreciating the beauty and magic that surrounds me.

Lately I have been so much more aware of all the terrible things that happen in the world. All around us. And I’ve been trying to learn to live and deal with it. But now instead of just blocking all the bad stuff out, why not turn to all the beauty and see the miracles that each day brings?

"Just give me a reason..."

"Just Give Me A Reason"
-Pink ft Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh
Things you never say to me oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh
You used to lie so close to me oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Saturday, 16 March 2013

What does love mean?

"What Does Love Mean?" See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love

By:Ladan LashkariA group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: "What does love mean?" 
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think... 
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." 

Rebecca - age 8 

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4 

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." 

Terri - age 4 

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7 

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."

Emily - age 8 

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." 

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) 

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." 

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet) 

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7 

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6 

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." 

Cindy - age 8 

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." 

Elaine - age 5 

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." 

Chris - age 7 

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." 
Mary Ann - age 4 

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
" (Now THIS is love!)

Lauren - age 4 

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image!)

Karen - age 7 

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." 

Mark - age 6 

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." 
Jessica - age 8 

And the final one...
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. 

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. 
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. 

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 
"Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Article Source:

Thursday, 14 March 2013

"The mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee..."

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions – and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car."
"The sand is everything else – the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. 
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. 
Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Learn to appreciate where you are...

"Most of us never learn to appreciate where we are at this very moment because we’re so focused on what happened (or didn't happen) in a past that no longer exists and are worried about a future that hasn't happened yet."

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

"My faith will be made stronger..."

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

- Oceans ( Where feet may fail) Hillsong United ZION

Friday, 1 March 2013

I want to be so wrapped up in God's love and spirit, that any man will first have to find God before he finds me.