Sunday, 31 August 2014

Broken relationships

How is it that friendships can so easily slip through our fingers? How is it that someone can just suddenly withdraw all contact and distance themselves without any explanation?? How was I to know whether or not I had done something wrong? I really thought that our friendship was deeper, and that I actually meant something to him. That is what he told me. Maybe it was all just bullshit.

I am so tired of writing about this, but I am hurt and angry. Maybe also a little disappointed. I really care(d) about him.

I know that I have been a mess lately and sometimes I can be difficult to be around/speak to. I don’t always say the right things and maybe I can be a little strong minded and stubborn. But I will not apologise for that. And I will not apologise for loving him or coming across too strongly.

I didn't need anything from him; I just thought that friendship was about being there for one another. He barely let me know what was going on with him, but whenever he did open up, I was there for him. 

A relationship is a two player game. If you decide to give up, there is nothing I can do. The decision is yours.

I wish I could say that this was the first time that this sort of thing has happened to me. But it’s not. Friends come and go from my life. And I probably have a lot to do with that. The thing that really gets me down, though, is that all these supposedly good friends of mine have never been honest with me and told me upfront what was wrong. I am not an unreasonable person! I will listen to you and try to understand where you are coming from. If you need space or time, or whatever, I will give that to you. But just don’t tell me that you care, when it is so easy for you not to.

I can feel all my walls going up again. Honestly, I thought he’d be the last person to destroy them. But maybe my heart was being a little too hopeful.  Why did I think that he would be different? 

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