Saturday, 22 November 2014

These dreams keep me up at night

The birds have started chirping; marking the end of night and still I am awake. In the distance I hear the sound of what must be the horn of a ship going off every couple minutes. 
I still struggle to fall asleep these days, even though i am feeling completely drained. 

I thought that I had started making progress and dealing with everything that this year has thrown at me. But not too long after some of the dust had settled, was it all just shaken up again. 

Someone recently told me that the only way to get closure is to move on with your life. I'm not sure whether or not I believe this statement. Maybe I just don't really understand what it means to really move on. I have been holding on to so many different things from my past. Have I ever really had any closure? My heart still feels weighed down.

My mentor reminds me that it is still OK to feel this way; as though nothing really makes sense. She is the only person that I feel comfortable showing my real feelings to. And although I am sure she is moved by my pain, it does not change her life. This makes it easier for me. She allows me to be who I am at that very moment. I don’t have to pretend or feel ashamed. 

Arthur Golden

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