Sunday, 17 June 2012

The one that broke your heart

Dear Guji,

This letter has taken me some time to write. I guess I just couldn't find the right words to say to sum up all my emotions. I think at first I was trying to just move on. I honestly believed that our break up was mutual and that we could still one day be friends. But after a few months, and after hearing the way you spoke about me to J, and after you started seeing someone else, I realised that I am, in fact, angry. 

Firstly, I need to say that I’m happy for you. You found exactly what you always wanted - A girl that no one can judge you for being in love with.

But at the same time, I am just so angry at myself for being hurt. I’m getting over you. And I know that our relationship wasn’t working anymore. For many more reasons, other than just the distance. I just can’t help wishing that I didn't wait that long to realise it. And I wish that you could have owned up to the way you really felt. I didn’t realise this, but I felt so inferior to your family and to your friends. I doubted myself in so many ways. 

I got so used to guarding your feelings that I ended up hurting myself in the process.

After all the bullshit you told me about not being able to have what you want and that it would be so difficult for you to move on from me. How could I have believed you so easily?

You hurt me. Damn. You hooking up with a million other girls would have hurt less than this. It feels almost as if you were ashamed of our relationship - ashamed of me. And the worst thing is that it’s almost as if I never existed in your life.

It took me some time to realise this, but I deserve much more than the relationship that we had. 

I know that in the beginning I told you that it wouldn't matter, but I honestly thought that our cultural differences wouldn't affect us. I guess I was lying to you as much as I was lying to myself. 

All those empty promises mean nothing to me anymore, and the last thing that I want to be, is your friend. I am not bitter or resentful. You deserve to find happiness, and one day, I will too. 


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