Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Unanswered questions

After another meeting with my mentor, I had a lot of unanswered questions that I wanted to think about. And over the last few days I have been thinking and journaling about it. I didn’t focus on the writing, but rather on getting the words and feelings out and putting it all down on paper. As the words flowed freely, some of it started to make sense.
We spoke about self-confidence and insecurities. She asked me what I think confidence is, and how I identify it in someone else. I was able to give a broad definition, but was unsure of what it meant specifically. We also spoke briefly about what it means to be a woman and the role that confidence plays in this. I am almost 22 years old and I sometimes don't feel like a woman out in the big bad world.
I decided to look up the meaning of “self-confidence” in the dictionary, to get a different understanding of it. I found that it generally means to believe in oneself and to be assured of ones abilities.
I wouldn’t say that I lack self-confidence completely, but I do realise that I have doubted myself and my abilities quite a bit over the past couple of years. In terms of my past relationships, academics and just with regards to where i fit in.
After my meeting I took a walk on the fields and just sat quietly, reflecting and doing a little journaling. I wanted to meditate but I had to get all the words out of my mind. It’s amazing what a little writing can do when feeling inspired.

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