Friday, 12 October 2012

Birthday Blues

Every year I go through the same thing before my birthday, where I can’t make up my mind on what I want to do on the big day. I try to decide on something that makes all of my friends happy as well, because I understand that it is near exam time and they must study… and then I have to take in to consideration my lack of money to spend, and lack of transport to go anywhere.

I usually make it more dramatic than it need be, but sometimes it just feels complicated. I just wish for once that I could have the freedom to do what I want to do without worrying about anything or anyone. I know that it may seem weird to still get excited about my birthday, but I honestly do love celebrating it.

One day I wish to have enough money to be able to throw a big dinner party for close friends and family. It will be simple but elegant and involve lots of good food and conversation. The wine will flow freely and everyone will be merry…. Sigh!

This year I wanted to have a braai, but money is still tight, so that idea is ruled out. Then I thought of going out for cocktails. But now it seems that some of my friends would prefer to stay here and have drinks. I’m not really sure why, but I was a little upset when they suggested this. But then again it really shouldn’t be a big deal, right??

As I am writing this, a thought has occurred to me. Maybe I always make a big deal about my birthday because I am afraid of spending it alone. It is difficult being away from family. I know that my friends truly care about me, but the prospect of being alone kind of makes me wish that I had one person that would want to give up their whole day to make this one day special for me. I crave all the attention and love. Flowers wouldn’t be a bad idea too…

I know that the best thing that I can do is to just take a deep breath in and not let this get the better of me. It’s best to just let things happen the way they will and not to force matters. There are more important things to be concerned with right now… like the Repro test coming up in a weeks’ time…

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