Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Why is it that when things are going well, I can’t help thinking that it is just about time for everything to come crashing down again? It sometimes seems as if happiness isn't meant to last forever; or as if I don't deserve it. Why is it that impending failure is much easier to believe than the prospect of success?

Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy

I'm only now starting to learn the true meaning of these three words and the impact that they may have on my life. though seemingly the same, these words carry very great and different meanings. my mentor explained it to me in the form of a simple story.

a man is drowning in the river. apathy comes by, notices him and decides that it is not worth his time trying to save him. so he continues on his way.

next sympathy comes by. he is so overcome by emotion and really wants to save the man drowning in the river that he rushes in to the water without a second thought. as soon as he reaches the man he finds that he too gets caught in the riptide and cannot save either of them. so now he too is drowning.

then empathy comes along and sees both men drowning in the river. he also desperately wants to help them both, but does not rush in immediately. he is aware that he may also get caught out there. so first he calls someone for help and searches around for a life jacket and some rope to pull them in with. he puts on the life jacket and throws out the life raft for them to grab hold of until someones comes to help him pull them in. in no time at all help arrives and empathy is able to safely rescue them without further endangering himself or anybody else.

Dancing the night away

Last night I went to a campus party and had a awesome time hanging out with lotsa fun people and dancing to great music. My close friends decided not to come, at first, but I found some other friends to hang out with. It was good to just do what I wanted to do. I liked being able to go up to the guys that I knew and dance with them a little. I didn't feel invisible or awkward and I didn't feel like a loser if I was jamming on my own for a little while. Two of my besties did eventually come through and I ended the night with them.

There were a few guys that I noticed throughout the night but I wasn't really trying to get their attention or anything. But towards the end of the night, I was dancing with a friend from class (let’s call him Dissection guy), and I noticed him getting a whole lot closer. It was funny because I can be so uncoordinated sometimes, in really close proximity, with guys for the first time. But at the time I didn't think anything of it. I tried to keep things a little distant and chilled but eventually let him get closer and closer.  The next thing I knew, he pulled in to me and we kissed. I realize now that I actually really wanted to - and it was great. I felt those nervous butterflies, that I've been missing, especially when he pulled me in the second time... 

And all too soon we pulled apart. I think we both came to our senses. To be honest, we were far from discreet and I can’t be too certain of his sobriety level… 

After he left I saw him, from a distance, outside a couple of times, but he didn't come back and we left it just there. 

Now the problem is that I think he has a girlfriend. OK, no, I’m fairly certain that he does.  So it meant nothing. And it can’t mean anything.  

This is exactly why I previously decided that I wouldn't let such things happen randomly at parties again.  But at the same time, it felt good to just live in the moment. I think that I might like him a little. This isn't really the first time that I've thought about him in that way...

But I know that I am still not ready for an actual relationship. There are so many things that I still have to deal with, like the way that I think of myself - the “boxes” that I put myself into.  But that is a story for another day.

On the upside, I got up bright and early for class today, despite being out for most of the night. J

Little things to remember...

Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.

At least fifteen people in this world love you.

The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

There are at least two people in this world that would die for you.

You mean the world to someone.

Someone, that you don't even know exists, loves you.

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look - and you'll see that someone is reaching out to help you.

Always remember the compliments you've received.

Forget the rude remarks.

Keep an open heart, and try to see the good in everyone you meet.
***

Heading out again...

Spring break is now officially coming to an end and its time for me to head back to campus to finish off this year, once and for all! I'm all packed up and ready to go, bright and early in the morning. It has been too short a holiday, but it has been good to take a breather and see my family again. I got a chance to spend some time with my bestie too and even met some of her friends from varsity.

I'm not going to be all sad about leaving this time, because I know that its just one of those things that I have to do. And I really do love being in that beautiful city. My home away from home.

I will always miss my family, but that doesn't mean that I can't love being away.