Everybody moves on...

The past few times that I have been at home, I always promised myself and a few of my friends that we would get together and have coffee or go out, but we have never really gotten around to doing any of it. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to; it’s just that things didn't really work out. Either they were busy, or something came up on my end. 

On my part, it might also have to do with the lack of confidence that I seem to have these days. Being out of school for 4 years already and still having to say that I am in 2nd year is a bit of a knock to the ego. I know that it’s more complicated than that, but it still stings a little for me. I sometimes feel as if I am stuck in the same place, whereas everyone around me has moved on and has been making a new successful life for themselves.

So now I just think that it’s time to face the reality that being back in town isn’t a life altering event for everyone anymore. And I am OK with that. It was difficult at first, coming home and not having the same crew to call up and hang out with, but I have also realised that even they have all split up and have found where they belong with different people. I'm not saying that I will still not message them every now and again, but we are all at different places in our lives. Some are graduating this year, starting to work, or just trying to get on with each day.

I will always cherish the memories that we share and I wish them all of the best from the bottom of my heart.

Something that i should have realized a long time ago...

Life is a beautiful struggle is such an inspiring and motivating blog. It reminds me of so many things that I sometimes seem to forget.

"You know, the right guy won’t change you. He won’t subtly pressure you. He won’t tell you who you can and can’t talk to about the two of you. He won’t hide the fact that you’re hanging out. He’s not gonna tell you you’re wrong for feeling…for being a girl. The right guy will show you off to his friends. He’ll take it as slow as you want. He’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. He’ll take you out to places, even if it’s just a fast food place or the store. He’ll actually sit through your stupid girly movies with you because he wants to watch them with you. The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don’t settle. You deserve so much more."

- Life is A Beautiful Struggle

So many people tried to tell me this before. But I was too involved to listen. I knew in my heart that I deserved more, but at the time I guess I thought that we were too young for more. We had fun together and he loved me. That was all that mattered.

But no! Even if we weren't planning to get married or spent the rest of our lives together, our relationship shouldn't have been kept from his friends. If he couldn't be man enough to stand up for who he loves, then he should at least have saved us both the time and ended things. Instead of let me believe that it was ok.

I know it’s not all his fault. I stood by and let it happen. I made excuses for him and defended him. Afraid to hurt his feelings by telling him how I felt. So I can't blame him for wanting things both ways. And I can’t blame myself for falling in love.

It was right when it started. It just went on for too long. But I know that God brought him into my life for a reason. And it all may not be clear right now. But I know that I am stronger for it. I am ready to forgive him. And ready to forgive myself.

The past is the past. He has moved on and found someone else to love. One day, so will I.   ♥

What would you rather be doing at this very moment?

I would love to be somewhere calm and peaceful. In a sturdy little boat gently drifting along a river . With the sun out but slightly masked by a light layer of clouds. A gentle breeze in the air.  The quiet hum of nature all around me. With the sound of a distant  waterfall.. And the quiet humming of the different birds in the trees that line the shore.

I feel absolute contentment. There is nowhere else that I would rather be. The world seems to have just disappeared... And all that mattered was this feeling of being alive. Completely surrounded by nature. With no distractions. No worries. And no stress. 

Courageous heart