Update

The reason I came back to campus slightly earlier (on New Year’s Day) was because I had to rewrite a couple exams for one module. Out of the 3 modules I had last year, I only passed the one, and have failed the other. This means that I will have to repeat the year. This is, however, if the reaccept me and allow me to continue with the course.

When I started studying medicine, no one told me that this could happen. But even if they had, I probably would never have thought that I would be in this exact situation: reevaluating my decision to become a doctor; reevaluating my capabilities. I always thought that I was a hard worker. But over the past few years I have doubted that. I question whether I am cut out for this life. Maybe I was just fooling myself into believing that I am good enough.

It’s been tough.

The worst is fighting the demons in your head. No one else can see them except for you. And sometimes, you don’t even see them coming.  

Somewhere, deep inside my heart, a little flicker of hope remains. I want to be optimistic about the results and the possibility of having a month off. But there’s this nagging feeling that it just won’t happen. I’m just so tired of disappointing myself. I’m not sure how much more I can take.

But I still, somehow, need to work up the courage to fight. I will not let this year pass by without making the most of it. 2014 is going to be a year to be proud of, one way or another.