Vulnerability

"To be vulnerable is to be alive."

For the longest time I’ve been struggling to let people get close enough to see the parts of me that hurt, to see the parts that still feel broken and still need repairing. I have been reading Brene Brown’s work on wholehearted living, and have started to realise that it is only when we open up to others in this way that we can truly connect and be our truest selves.

In Daring Greatly, Brene discusses the results she obtained from different people when asked what vulnerability means to each one personally. I gave this some thought and wrote down everything that came to mind. No filtering or overthinking.

 For me vulnerability is:

Allowing someone to see the real me

Being loved

Taking risks

Standing in my truth

Making new friends

Maintaining friendships

Sharing my writing with others

Loving and caring for someone

Seeking connection

Exploring sexuality

Being sexy and attractive

Putting in effort

Being ambitious

Asking for help

This is quite a list but I have started making some progress into understanding and accepting it. Some things I find easier to do than others. Some days allowing myself to seek these things feels fine, and completely doable while other days I find it a bit more challenging. I often struggle to tell my friends that I am having a tough time, or that I am feeling stuck and not good enough. Most of the time I am worried about how they would respond to seeing this “weakness”. The mask that I wear most often is that everything is OK and that I have all my shit together. I want to be that person, but I kept falling short. 

I am learning more and more each day that vulnerability is the furthest thing from weakness. As Brene says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.”

I remind myself that all we have to do is take one tiny step in the direction towards what we want and eventually, when we glance back, we’ll see how far we have come. This is what keeps me going. 

April's lessons

Most people would love to be able to take a break from studying or working and just have some time out. Even though it makes me feel hopeless, I want to be grateful for this season that I am in.

If we go by comparing our lives to those around us, we will always feel inferior. I need to believe that right now I am exactly where I need to be.

We can never be certain of what other people, or even close friends, are going through. And just because someone is not communicating with you, it does not mean that they have stopped loving you, or that he/she doesn’t care anymore. People show love in different ways, and feelings do not disappear overnight.

I am not the only one that is in between destinations in their lives. Everyone is fighting a battle that we don’t know about. I am not alone. We may not be in the exact same boat, but no one really has an easy life, they have had to work hard to be where they are/ get what they wanted.

Sometimes I tend to complicate things that should be simple. I want to stop letting the world get me down. It is time to go out and fight for the things that I want. It is not just going to magically appear in front of me. Life is what you make it. You can decide whether you want to stay the victim or take back control. It is not always easy, I know, but I believe that it will be worth it.

Appreciate and be grateful for the people around you and never hesitate to show love.

"Yes, the past can hurt.."

20 Things to let go of before the New Year

 Blog post from: Mind Body Green

1.  Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong.

2.  Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

3.  Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

4.  Let go of regrets; at one point in your life, that “whatever” was exactly what you wanted.

5.  Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

6.  Let go of blaming anyone for anything; be accountable for your own life. If you don’t like something, you have two choices, accept it or change it.

7.  Let go of thinking you are damaged; you matter, and the world needs you just as you are.

8.  Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

9.  Let go of being the “go-to person” for everyone, all the time; stop blowing yourself off and take care of yourself first … because you matter.

10.  Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

11. Let go of thinking there's a right and wrong way to do things or to see the world. Enjoy the contrast and celebrate the diversity and richness of life.

12. Let go of cheating on your future with your past. It’s time to move on and tell a new story.

13. Let go of thinking you are not where you should be. You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.

14. Let go of anger toward ex lovers and family. We all deserve happiness and love; just because it is over doesn’t mean the love was wrong.

15. Let go of the need to do more and be more; for today, you've done the best you can, and that's enough.

16. Let go of thinking you have to know how to make it happen; we learn the way on the way.

17. Let go of your money woes — make a plan to pay off debt and focus on your abundance.

18.  Let go of trying to save or change people. Everyone has her own path, and the best thing you can do is work on yourself and stop focusing on others.

19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

Wounded healer *Quote*

"The best healer is often the wounded healer, 

because he knows what he is dealing with,

since he suffered it himself."

Be happy

45 Life lessons, written by a 90 year old

45  LIFE LESSONS, 

WRITTEN BY A 90 YEAR OLD

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

- Men Who Dress Like Men

Goodbye 2012!

2012 has been filled with lots of growth, both spiritual and emotional. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I thank God that I'm not where I used to be. So instead of stressing about how things haven't worked out completely for me and my family, I'll be thankful for all the changes and blessings of 2012.

Over the past year I have overcome some of my fears and God has shown me over and over again that nothing is too big for Him to solve. I have been surrounded by people that have been a blessing in my life and I am grateful each day for their support and the faith that they have in me.

I've learnt that sometimes it’s really easy to get stuck in a bad place and end up depressed and without hope, but if you take a step back, you may find that the solution to all your problems is just around the corner.

It’s not easy to maintain positivity. And it’s ok to wallow in self-pity for just a little while, but the longer you stay down, the harder it is to get back up again. 

Just let the past be the past, and focus on the things that bring light in to your life. I’ve been hurt too many times now to still be hung up on the things that I can’t change any more and to keep worrying about the way other people feel all the time. Sometimes, it is just best to let things go. People included.

The minute you think of giving up...

Faith is not knowing that God can, it is knowing that He will.

God has His own way of showing us what we need. Life may not always be filled with rainbows and butterflies, but there is always something to be grateful for.  One day, in the future, all the pain and heartache will just be a distant memory. And from it, we will draw great strength and wisdom. I believe that God is preparing us for something extraordinary. He has an incredible plan for our lives. 

The hardest part is just having faith.

The only person you should try to be better than...

"The only thing constant... is change."

"Things change and people change, but it doesn't mean that you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on, and treasure the memories made."
***

Over the past couple of years, this has been one of the most difficult things that I have had to accept. It has taken some time, and a little patience, but I have now learnt to value all the changes that have happened in my life.

I dream of one of one day becoming a powerful woman and courageous doctor. But I know that without change I cannot grow, and I may not become stronger and wiser or learn from my mistakes.

So, I'm choosing to embrace the change and look forward to the new experiances that are yet to come.

"There are going to be days..."

There are going to be days when you won’t have the energy or drive to get out of bed. There are going to be days when you’re going to want to give up – give up on love, life, or school. The thing is, you’re not allowed to give up. You were given a life and you’re supposed to live it. The truth is the seventy or eighty years that you’re given isn’t long enough to do the things you’re supposed to do. Sure, you’re gonna hit a few bumps along the way, but you’ve got to pick yourself up and move on. Life is unpredictable and things might not always work out the way you want them to, but that’s no reason to give up. You’re here for a reason and someday when you’re not expecting it, you’re going to discover your reason for being here. And when that does happen, your life will never be the same again. - unknown

livelifehappy.com

"Be who you are"

Everything in life is temporary

It's all a distant memory...

It's always great to look back at the past and see how far you've come, and how different things are now. As time passes, everything begins to feel like a distant memory and it's almost as if none of it actually happened. All the emotions and feelings are gone, but at that time and in that moment, it felt like there was no getting passed all the obstacles that stood in the way.

But all the difficult times are only temporary, and the only way to overcome them is to tackle them head on. Have faith and believe that you will get through it. God will never give you a challenge that you can't handle. And He is always right by your side. He will never leave.

Eventually all things, good or bad, will come to an end. So it's up to you what you take away from it. You can decide whether or not to hold on to the pain and the hurt, or whether you let it go, and allow yourself to grow stronger because of it.

It may be easier said than done, but I have been going through so much over the last couple of years, and there are so many things that have changed about me and about my life. I'm far from perfect, but I am growing, and I believe that, with Gods continued help and guidance, I will achieve all the dreams and receive the desires that He has placed in my heart.

With God, all things are possible.

Advice from a tree