It wasn't just a dream

Have you ever experienced something
so wonderful: -
so brief and fleeting;
all consuming,
that took up so much space in your mind and heart
and that was such a big deal in that moment?

But then when you think about it later;
a few hours,
a few days, 
a month,
or a year,

you wonder if it ever even happened at all?

Love comes from within #Quote

#thingstoneverforget

The paths of our lives

The paths of our lives twist and turn around each other whenever the timing is right.

I miss you.

But I will not call you back in to my life after you have decided to walk out of it. It is time for me to accept that I cannot fight to keep you here. Just know that you will always be loved as a friend. 

But it is under your control whether we keep in contact. There is always a choice. I believed that you would always want a connection between us, but maybe after some time it didn't feel as important to you. 

I read a verse the other day, "Depend not on other people". 

It seems this is a lesson I must learn. 

Love at first sight?

I'm not the type of person you fall in love with at first sight. But I've been told that there is a lightness about me that draws people in. I want to believe this. Maybe I once did. But that was a long time ago. These days I feel as though I am a quite the opposite: a darkness from which everyone runs.

Tonight I shed a tear

Tonight I shed a tear, 
for the love that I never quite had, 
but always silently hoped for;
And for friendship that I held on to so tightly.

It seemed like the only certainty 
when everything was falling down around me.

The past few nights 
I've been trying to figure out what changed.
All the while missing you, 
and trying not to show it.

It just meant so much that you understood.
You cared enough to seek for more 
than just the surface of my thoughts.

I depended on you, 

but maybe I shouldn't have.
I knew you could never save me.

I thought you trusted me,

enough to share all that you're going through
and simply be honest with me.

I thought that I was important to you.

I said that I’d always fight 

for us to stay in some kind of relationship -  
whatever shape or form; 
and promised to never run and hide.
But you can’t fight with someone that walks away.

So instead, 
I'll fight every urge to message you,

or demand answers for your silence.

The truth is, I might never see you again -
Only the future can tell whether our paths will cross once more.

I will no longer hold on to you -

I’m finally letting you go.
I’m letting us go.

-N.M-

I wrote this a few months ago, but wasn't ready to share it yet. But it feels just as relevant now as it did back then. The only difference is that I didn't quite let go. I was constantly going back and forth on my word. I kept falling in love with him, when I should have known better. Walking away hurts. But with each step I grow stronger. 

Relationships are certainly not for the faint-hearted.

‘Every woman has the exact love life she wants.’

Kat:  You say, and I quote, ‘Every woman has the exact love life she wants.’ Now that seems like a pretty a broad generalization....

Do you honestly believe that I want to be single and miserable? Do you think that I want to be hung up on some guy who led me on for years and out of the blue just shattered my heart?

Nick: Well first of all, there's no such thing as out of the blue. And second of all, yeah.

Kat:  What?

Nick: When you're ready to let go, to be un-single and un-miserable, you will. ‘Till then...

"The tough thing about falling in love"

"The tough thing about falling in love is when people forget to mention that sometimes your heart takes you to places that you shouldn't be; places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending." 

Letter to my love #1

Sometimes I think that my life would be so much easier if you were here with me.

I dream of you holding me while I cry myself to sleep at night. When I feel lost and afraid, I'll know that with your arms wrapped around me, I'll be safe. Your comforting sounds will ease away the heartache.

I know you can't save me, I don't want that of you. I just need to know that you are real, and within my reach. I want to be sure that you see my light, even in my darkest moments; and that you see my worst, but choose stay, over and over again.

I will give you my heart, and I'll take care of yours. I promise to love you unconditionally. And when you feel as though life keeps pulling you down, I'll be right by your side, a pillar to hold on to. You'll never be alone. Trust me.

I want to talk to you so desperately, at this very moment. But I will try to be patient.

I love you.

Where's all the love?

It turns out that a hot new relationship wasn’t *F’s big news. But, I actually wish that it was. I want him to be happy. We had a good conversation. It’s always great hearing from him. The only downfall is that every time we catch up like this I realise how much I miss seeing him.

I’ve realised that I don’t have any real life relationship role models in my family and no one else that I know personally.  My parents aren’t happy. They have their own fair share of problems. We aren’t really close to any of our relatives, but I can still tell that my aunts and uncles don’t have that deep passionate kind of love that I always thought should make a marriage.

Is anyone out there truly happy? What happens to all the love after years of being together? Does it all fizzle out? And you just stay together for convenience, or because you just can’t see your life any other way?

This scares me. As cliché as it sounds, I want a love so deep that the ocean would be jealous. And I don’t want that love to ever end. I know that it can’t be all fireworks forever, but I hope that it evolves into something so much more. I want joy that will overcome all the struggles that we may be faced. I want to be secure in his love, and never doubt that he would choose me over and over again. Is this too much of a stretch?

None of my close friends are in relationships either. J* is seeing someone but it seems that he is just a squeeze, and more trouble than he is worth, in my opinion. And let’s not get started on my love life, or lack thereof. Since my ex, there’s just been randomness, mistakes and complicated feelings. And I haven’t been on a real date in about 3 years!

But, I must admit, that as much as I miss being in love, I don’t think that right now I am ready for any serious relationship. I need to make some decisions about my future, and I can be too easily influenced by love. I need my head clear and not stuck in the clouds.  

And when I am ready, I believe that love will find me. Until such a time, I'll try to keep my heart open,  and fill it with all the love I can find around me. 

For women who are 'difficult' to love

Warsan Shire - "For Women Who Are Difficult To Love" 

"No, I will no longer love the people who poison me."

“

I have spent twenty years letting other people break my heart.

Not tonight. I am taking myself back. No, you cannot kiss me, I know you are only looking for a pair of lips to wash her out of your brainstem. No, you cannot hold me, I know you are only lonely because you refuse to ask out the boy of your dreams. No, I will not write you anymore lovesick poetry, it only makes you live forever. No, I won’t put your needs before mine any longer, you would never do the same for me. No, I will not be another footnote, another forgotten one, another shotglass broken on this floor. No, you cannot have me, not now, not today, not ever again.

I am going to finally be my own person. I refuse to be the shadow of another girl, the bed to keep you warm, the transitional object.

I reclaim myself. I am my own. And you cannot harm me.

”

—	No, I will no longer love the people who poison me. /// r.i.d (viainkskinned)

The good ones drive you insane

"People say that it's the bad memories that cause the most pain, but actually, it's the good ones that drive you insane. "

The good ones remind me of all we used to be. 
They take me back to a time when he filled me with butterflies 
and made my heart race with every glance.

But in the same train of thought, 
the good ones remind me of why we are no more, 
and of the hurt he caused when we fell apart; 
when my heart broke that first time.

Some things I remember so vividly, 
as though they had occurred only a few moments ago.

Bitter sweet.

Its been forever since I've seen his face. 
I find myself curious as to how its changed 
since that day we call the end.

I wonder if these memories will ever leave me too. 
Part of me hopes that one day,at least, 
they do.

"Now my debt is paid"

Man Of Sorrows 

-Hillsong United-

Man of sorrows Lamb of God
By His own betrayed
The sin of man and wrath of God
Has been on Jesus laid

Silent as He stood accused
Beaten mocked and scorned
Bowing to the Father's will
He took a crown of thorns

Oh that rugged cross
My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honour unto Thee

Sent of heaven God's own Son
To purchase and redeem
And reconcile the very ones
Who nailed Him to that tree

Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin
Has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed

Oh that rugged cross
My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honour unto Thee

See the stone is rolled away
Behold the empty tomb
Hallelujah God be praised
He's risen from the grave

Quote: You will understand

"Above all else, guard your heart..."

 Wasn't ever really good at drawing lines. 

 I think now may be a good time 

to start trying a little harder. 

"I'm not here for a fairy tale"

http://inspired-for-lifee.tumblr.com/

2 am

Just to love and be loved in return..Yes, this is what i want.

Almost Is Never Enough

Almost is never enough

Ariana Grande with Nathan Skyes

I'd like to say we gave it a try 

I'd like to blame it all on life 

Maybe we just weren't right..

But that's a lie, that's a lie 

And we can deny it as much as we want 

But in time our feelings will show 

'Cause sooner or later 

We'll wonder why we gave up 

The truth is everyone knows 

Almost, almost is never enough 

So close to being in love 

If I would have known that you wanted me 

The way I wanted you 

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart 

But right here in each others arms 

And we almost, we almost knew what love was 

But almost is never enough 

If I could change the world overnight 

There'd be no such thing as goodbye 

You'll be standing right where you were 

And we'd get the chance we deserve 

Try to deny it as much as you want 

But in time our feelings will show 

'Cause sooner or later 

We'll wonder why we gave up 

The truth is everyone knows 

In the quiet moments

Because in the quiet moments, 

when I’m not trying to figure it all out,

my heart still whispers his name.

and I feel those butterflies, that I've been trying so desperately

to chase away, appear once again.

He keeps finding his way back in to my heart.

I’ve let him get under my skin,

He knows my most secret thoughts –

the intimate workings of my mind.

Just when I was starting to accept that which we are not, 

those words slipped out: - 

Once upon a time, 

He was in love with me.

Oh fate, thou art a cruel, heartless bitch sometimes…

All those sleepless nights, he was right there

A short walk down the road.

Trapped within his own confines.

Me, too blind to see him as he stood right before me

All guards up. Too afraid. Too vulnerable.

His heart never giving mine a chance to realise that it might love him too.

Instead, he kept his love a secret. 

Hidden from me.

Running circles around one another,

Fooling ourselves

Fooling each other.
-N.M-