Memories cause me pain

But even the pleasant memories bring me pain.

They’ve hurt ever since he left,

Ever since he turned away.

I cringe when I hear his name

My heart breaks when I see his face.

I thought I was in control

But I had it all wrong.
-N.M-

"No, I will no longer love the people who poison me."

“

I have spent twenty years letting other people break my heart.

Not tonight. I am taking myself back. No, you cannot kiss me, I know you are only looking for a pair of lips to wash her out of your brainstem. No, you cannot hold me, I know you are only lonely because you refuse to ask out the boy of your dreams. No, I will not write you anymore lovesick poetry, it only makes you live forever. No, I won’t put your needs before mine any longer, you would never do the same for me. No, I will not be another footnote, another forgotten one, another shotglass broken on this floor. No, you cannot have me, not now, not today, not ever again.

I am going to finally be my own person. I refuse to be the shadow of another girl, the bed to keep you warm, the transitional object.

I reclaim myself. I am my own. And you cannot harm me.

”

—	No, I will no longer love the people who poison me. /// r.i.d (viainkskinned)

The good ones drive you insane

"People say that it's the bad memories that cause the most pain, but actually, it's the good ones that drive you insane. "

The good ones remind me of all we used to be. 
They take me back to a time when he filled me with butterflies 
and made my heart race with every glance.

But in the same train of thought, 
the good ones remind me of why we are no more, 
and of the hurt he caused when we fell apart; 
when my heart broke that first time.

Some things I remember so vividly, 
as though they had occurred only a few moments ago.

Bitter sweet.

Its been forever since I've seen his face. 
I find myself curious as to how its changed 
since that day we call the end.

I wonder if these memories will ever leave me too. 
Part of me hopes that one day,at least, 
they do.

Quote: An unresolved past

You see that girl?

/

When will it all end?

I'm tired -
of listening to the hurt in her voice,
of seeing the pain in her eyes.
It consumes her -
the worry,
the feelings of bitterness.
Losing control of everything around her.

But she keeps fighting -
against the world,
against the reflection in the mirror.
There's no escape -
from all the pain,
from all the conflict that grips and holds on to her soul.

All she wants is to be free -
to live the life she has always dreamed of.

She's been fighting for so long -
for the ones she loves,
for her independence,
to survive in this cruel world.

When will it all end?
-N.M-

In the dead of the night

In the dead of the night,

when the moon is high and the stars shine bright,

what plagues your mind?

Is it peaceful thoughts?

Or confrontations and unanswered questions ringing out loud?

For me, all these emotions start to appear.

Fears and anxieties buried deep down

Come to the surface and fight for control.

They keep me awake.

Until the darkest hour, there is no escape.

My mind is not mine alone.

All these voices,

They tell me different things -

All my insecurities and greatest concerns are exposed before me.

I feel ashamed, disappointed and worthless.

But I know that it is not all my fault.

Some things are beyond my reach.

I cannot change what was, but I can change what may be.

I can choose to fight to regain the power that has vanished within me.

So, I still my mind and take a deep breath in and slowly let it out.

Nothing is lost that can be found once again. ©
-N.M-

A smile is never enough to hide the pain...

I had a meeting with my mentor today. At first I was excited to see her because we hadn’t had a meeting in the longest time. But then the smile on my face turned into a wall that was hiding something back. And as soon as I realised what it was, it was too late to keep the tears from falling. Why is it that when you think everything is running smoothly and that you have stuff under control, you find that there is still a crack in the surface? A smile is never enough to hide the pain. You can try as hard as you like to pretend, even to yourself that everything is ok, but sooner or later, those buried emotions will rise to the surface and there will be no stopping their escape.

Laying here alone

Laying here alone.

Dreaming of someone to hold.

My body longs to be touched,

my heart aches to be loved

and my soul yearns to be found.

But my mind will not allow it.

My fragile heart is too easily broken

 and too easily fooled into believing that fairy tails do really exist.

Not seeing the truth hidden deep behind deceitful eyes.

Instead,

it drifts away from my fantasies of happily ever after.

And all that it focuses on is the hurt that may follow, 

the pain that may be inevitable 

and the time that could be wasted trying to recover.

That is why this is easier.

Atleast my mind believes that I am safe from the danger of falling in love again.

-N.M-

***

Mask

Underneath it all

On the surface, it all seems ok.

But underneath is where all the pain hides.

The sadddness that escapes expression.

Laying in bed with tears running down my face;

my heart silently breaking.
-N.M-

****