Open Wounds

"Not everyone is okay with living like an open wound. But the thing about open wounds is that, well, you aren't ignoring it. You're healing; the fresh air can get to it. It's honest. You aren't hiding who you are. You aren't rotting. People can give you advice on how to heal without scarring badly. But on the other hand there are some people who'll feel uncomfortable around you. Some will even point and laugh. But we all have wounds." 

-Warsan Shire-

Morph

I’ve been trying to change myself for the longest time.
Trying to grow into something more.
Trying to morph into the perfect form.

This girl in the mirror is not enough.
She has never been enough.

Day after day, I wait.
Day after day I wait,
but nothing ever happens -
I am still the person I've always been;

Feeling smaller,
Slightly less than whole.
Missing pieces
broken off along the way.

-N.M-

Memories cause me pain

But even the pleasant memories bring me pain.

They’ve hurt ever since he left,

Ever since he turned away.

I cringe when I hear his name

My heart breaks when I see his face.

I thought I was in control

But I had it all wrong.
-N.M-

Every time you desperately wish for something

“Every time you desperately wish for something 
you think you want or need, 
and you do not receive it, 
I believe it is God’s way of telling us 
that it is not good enough. 
I think it is a lesson of patience 
and a sign telling us to wait 
for something better. 
There is a reason you are not 
with that person and 
there is a reason why 
you missed that train on the day 
you were already late. 
There is a purpose
in all these heartaches 
and blessings hiding 
in all this pain and these closed doors.
Today you will question why 
but tomorrow, 
you will begin to understand.”

—	A Story A Day #219 by M.D.L (via mingdliu)

I'm fucking tired.

Tiny cracks all across the surface

Have I ever truly been whole? 

There are little pieces chipped away on the inside of me, 

and tiny cracks all across the surface. 

But from a distance you’d never say – 

because everything appears picture perfect.

it is inevitable

I’m afraid of growing up,

but time keeps aging me. 

I want to scream STOP! -

but there's no slowing it down.

It is inevitable

that life goes on.

No matter how many nights

you cry yourself to sleep,

life goes on.

-N.M- 

I'm terrified of life leaving me behind

I miss my heater,

Warming my tiny little room, miles from here. 

There I was alone with my thoughts -

Solitude was my confidant.

Snuggled in my bed, listening to the rain fall.

I had an idea of where my life was headed;

With some sense of a future. 

Now all that is gone. 

But this is not all bad.

There is family here - 

Love and support. 

I just wish that my mind wasn't so muddled. 

I wish that I was more grateful. 

I just hate that I feel as though

I am going nowhere slowly.

Time is running out. 

I have unknown deadlines -

Because I know I can't sit idly forever. 

Life must go on. 

And it will –

With or without me. 

And I’m terrified of being left behind.

-N.M-

For women who are 'difficult' to love

Warsan Shire - "For Women Who Are Difficult To Love" 

"No, I will no longer love the people who poison me."

“

I have spent twenty years letting other people break my heart.

Not tonight. I am taking myself back. No, you cannot kiss me, I know you are only looking for a pair of lips to wash her out of your brainstem. No, you cannot hold me, I know you are only lonely because you refuse to ask out the boy of your dreams. No, I will not write you anymore lovesick poetry, it only makes you live forever. No, I won’t put your needs before mine any longer, you would never do the same for me. No, I will not be another footnote, another forgotten one, another shotglass broken on this floor. No, you cannot have me, not now, not today, not ever again.

I am going to finally be my own person. I refuse to be the shadow of another girl, the bed to keep you warm, the transitional object.

I reclaim myself. I am my own. And you cannot harm me.

”

—	No, I will no longer love the people who poison me. /// r.i.d (viainkskinned)

"Embrace the oddities and hold on to the quirks"

"I'm never going to wait"

"I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already.
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
saying checkmate
whenever they get out
without a broken heart."

Andrea Gibson

Ash

Laying here alone

Laying here alone.

Dreaming of someone to hold.

My body longs to be touched,

my heart aches to be loved

and my soul yearns to be found.

But my mind will not allow it.

My fragile heart is too easily broken

 and too easily fooled into believing that fairy tails do really exist.

Not seeing the truth hidden deep behind deceitful eyes.

Instead,

it drifts away from my fantasies of happily ever after.

And all that it focuses on is the hurt that may follow, 

the pain that may be inevitable 

and the time that could be wasted trying to recover.

That is why this is easier.

Atleast my mind believes that I am safe from the danger of falling in love again.

-N.M-

***