Tonight I shed a tear

Tonight I shed a tear, 
for the love that I never quite had, 
but always silently hoped for;
And for friendship that I held on to so tightly.

It seemed like the only certainty 
when everything was falling down around me.

The past few nights 
I've been trying to figure out what changed.
All the while missing you, 
and trying not to show it.

It just meant so much that you understood.
You cared enough to seek for more 
than just the surface of my thoughts.

I depended on you, 

but maybe I shouldn't have.
I knew you could never save me.

I thought you trusted me,

enough to share all that you're going through
and simply be honest with me.

I thought that I was important to you.

I said that I’d always fight 

for us to stay in some kind of relationship -  
whatever shape or form; 
and promised to never run and hide.
But you can’t fight with someone that walks away.

So instead, 
I'll fight every urge to message you,

or demand answers for your silence.

The truth is, I might never see you again -
Only the future can tell whether our paths will cross once more.

I will no longer hold on to you -

I’m finally letting you go.
I’m letting us go.

-N.M-

I wrote this a few months ago, but wasn't ready to share it yet. But it feels just as relevant now as it did back then. The only difference is that I didn't quite let go. I was constantly going back and forth on my word. I kept falling in love with him, when I should have known better. Walking away hurts. But with each step I grow stronger. 

Relationships are certainly not for the faint-hearted.