The New Year Project: More on Happiness

How can you put more happiness into your life?

Day 10 of Toni's New Year Project

I have started to realise that happiness is fleeting. There are so many little things that make me happy, but for some reason, I just can’t get it to stick.  

Surely, there has to be something out there that will make me excited to get up each day and tackle the world. Or is this just a young girl’s deluded perception of a greater, brighter world?

The truth is, I don’t know how to answer today’s question. There are a million things that I could do to be happy right now, but I can’t help feeling that these things are not enough. There’s still something getting in the way. I've also noticed that my aspirations (To change the world) are slowly starting to diminish. And I don’t feel free.  I thought hoped that I would be happier now that I'm no longer at medical school. But instead, I still feel trapped within my own limitations.

Today, I was feeling a little drained and almost as if something was weighing me down. I started to get a little restless. I wanted to do something to help around the house but I just couldn't muster up enough energy.

But, instead of just laying around, I decided to man up and do something that has been plaguing my mind for a few days now: - Make a few calls regarding my future prospects. 

First, I called an Au Pair agent. I had initially emailed her to get more info about that whole business and she had said that I can make an appointment to discuss it. So this is what I did! I plan to go see her tomorrow and hear what it all entails.

Then, I called the university to find out exactly what options I have if I decided that I wanted to go back to medical school. Basically, they told me that I could still go back next year. All I need is to do a 6 month course (related to medicine or human sciences or something...) through a university like UNISA and then reapply in November. Reacceptance is not guaranteed but it will help if I can show that I have made some changes to improve or have dealt with the problems I have been facing the past couple years. 

This would be great news, but I really don’t know if I actually want to go back. My mind is a minefield. It was difficult to make that last phone call. I felt the emotion build up, but as soon as it was over, I felt some of the tension lift.  

All hope is not lost after all. So, my revelation while writing this, is that I need to keep being positive and trusting that things will fall in to place when the time is right. I will find what my purpose is, and the only way to get there is by taking one day at a time. 

xxx

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